Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
