I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
