FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
