I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
