Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
