What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
