So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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