xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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