Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
