checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
