The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
