you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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