Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
