Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
