So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
