so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize