Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
