I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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