My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
