Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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