Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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