I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
