saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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