you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
