What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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