Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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