he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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