i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
