remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
