So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
