so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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