I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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