it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Buhtt sex?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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