i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
