My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
