god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize