wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
