Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
