your parents love me but you hate me
Screwed.edu
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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