I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
