i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
