Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am available for nakedness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
