I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
