Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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