Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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