At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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