Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
people are starting to question the shark bite story
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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