Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
