she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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