why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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