the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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