You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize