Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
