It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
