I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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