Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
