it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
