is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
