he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
