C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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