when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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