he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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