We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
God, I missed his penis.
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