i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
