Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
