you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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