How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
