I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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