Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
