She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
