The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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