I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
