my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
