that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
