Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
