i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
