Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Alive.
So much puke
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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