I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
