I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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