Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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