"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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