The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was like eating out sand paper
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
