what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize