Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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