why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
