She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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