apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
