Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
