I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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