i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
