why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
dude. I can hear the air.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
