You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
