i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
