You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
