I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
