I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
