if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
