He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
