Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
