Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
