there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
